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 The WTD Interview
WTD Contributing Writer Gloomchen
Interview by Scott Myers
This is the best staff interview so far by a long shot. I believe noneof the idiots that are left can beat this. I tried really hard to piss her off and Gloom was a fuckin' sport. That means the rest of you are getting your ass handed to you in your interview because if the girl can take it you pussies better be able to. I don't think Flack will be able to top this (he says he can but he lies)...
WTD: Who are you and why should we care?
Gloomchen: I'm Summer. I've been a fixture online since '95, working my way up from teenage chatrooms to take over editorship of hOe e'zine for a while. Then I eventually started running Anada. Other points of interest include me losing my job once due to writing about it online, and pissing off 3 large websites simultaneously which led to my boobies being posted for half the damn internet to see, and driving long distances to have sex with people. Oh yeah, and I have the coolest Page About Me on the entire internet. Although to be honest, that still doesn't mean you should care.
WTD: You listen to almost as much shitty 80's music as Flack don't you? Defend yourself woman because it all gets worse from here...
Gloomchen: Ahhh, but you see, I listen to shitty '70s and '60s music, too. Who else would read entire books about bubblegum music and teen idols? I really won't even bother trying to defend my music taste because my Winamp playlists are some of the most ungodly horrific amalgamations you'll ever see. When you go from "Chewy Chewy" to "Clean My Wounds" to "Electric Youth," you know it's not a playlist made for everyone.
WTD: What is anada.net and why would anyone want to waste their time by going there?
Gloomchen: Anada is an oldschool-style text 'zine. Kiddies, back in the day before there was a world wide web, BEFORE HTML, geeks with green-monitored computers would write about how to build bombs or get free long distance calls by soldering together a bunch of stuff from Radio Shack. Sometimes simultaneously, even. There's a ton of history. All Anada really has in common with those days is the ASCII 80-character width format. Other than that, it's just an excuse to write a bunch of half-crap and have people run around calling it brilliance. Magical, really. Send in your submissions today.
WTD: I bet you've done eel porn but if you haven't have you seen it?
Gloomchen: I was dying for the eel porn question. Years ago when all I had was a WebTV (by the way, get a real computer, Scott), my best friends sent me this whole archive of bestiality porn. So at one point in time, I had my finger on the pulse of the eel porn generation. And I didn't mean that in a dirty way.
WTD: You're the only chick that writes for WTD, why do you stick around when we all just think woman are eye candy and sperm receptacles?
Gloomchen: Doesn't every metal website have a token chick? At least the forums are now up to THREE regularly posting females. I'd hate to think what kind of shit I'd be getting if it weren't for Sophie taking all the heat off. Anyway, other than that, I just like to write about music. Funny though, considering it's not like you actually see me do that often.
WTD: What crappy CDs have you been listening to lately?
Gloomchen: At work I can't listen to anything "unacceptable," so there, it's been mostly classic rock, Sneaker Pimps, Poe, Bjork, That Dog, Foo Fighters, stuff like that. At home I'm always getting something new so it changes daily. When I go out for walks, though, that's when I let out all of my itchings for particular music. So lately it's been Joy Division, Nine Inch Nails, Lacuna Coil, The Faint, Deine Lakaien, The Gathering, Solex, The Project Hate, Siouxsie and the Banshees, God Lives Underwater, older Stabbing Westward, and a whole bucketload of '80s new wave compilations. Oh yeah, and let's not forget Bob Dylan.
WTD: Tod told me you ruined his 2000-2001 New Year's Eve by constantly yakking... true or false?
Gloomchen: Yeah, I heard something like that. Of course, I heard it from a bunch of people OTHER THAN Tod. (Pussy.) I'll readily admit I talk a lot. Besides, what else was I gonna do? Everyone was fucking playing VIDEO GAMES and listening to BLACK METAL. Then we watched a BACKYARD WRESTLING VIDEO. What the FUCK kind of New Years' Eve is THAT? Every other New Years celebrations I've attended have kicked complete ass. At least I brought Drinking Jenga, dammit. At least I had good intentions of having fun.
WTD: I haven't said anything bad about Sick in an interview yet so here it goes. Sick spends all his time calling Perky a fag and looking at teen chick porn and he looks like a viking. Wait... that was all cool stuff. Sick rules but fuck that tDM guy he's a homo. Back to you oh 80s rock queen (that is not a compliment)... Did you used to buy Metal Edge and cut out all the pictures and tape them all over your room? Seems like a lot of stupid bitches used to do that...
Gloomchen: Dude, I used to cut out the pictures and then make frames for them out of yarn and plastic canvas. Nuno Bettencourt was framed right over my bed. And you can go ahead and call that lame because I damn well know it was lame. You conveniently skipped over my even younger years where my entire room was wallpapered in New Kids on the Block.
WTD: Any plans on sending out some new tit pics?
Gloomchen: I'm working on it, but trust me, nobody wants to see me naked 'til I'm a lot less roly poly. When I get there, though, y'all will be the first to see. 'Cuz I'm all ghetto skank like that.
WTD: Give me your honest opinion on the following staff members... Flack.
Gloomchen: Flack is an even more oldschool 'zine writer than I am. He's also one of the only people around these parts who had "heard" of me before I ever introduced myself. And he is the only person I know whose album collection rivals my own, not just in quantity, but in variety as well. I know you'd love me to rip on the guy though, so I will ask this: dude, are you sure you're not a Japanese tourist, because you take more pictures than all of my grandparents combined.
WTD: TodFilth.
Gloomchen: I don't have anything against him, even with his propensity for shit talking. If I had anything against him, it would be that he eerily looks exactly like my ex-best friend (who, yes, is female) and that's just fucking creepy. Otherwise, he's a fucking riot. One last thing: if you ever see the guy in a movie theater carrying a brown grocery bag, get your kids the fuck out of there. Don't ask why, just run.
WTD: Dr Perky.
Gloomchen: You know, everyone and their mother rips on Perk, and I'm trying to figure out how and why it started. I must've been asleep that day or something. In fact, I don't know much about him at all except that he actually has a job (working for THE MAN) and he argues with Jam an awful lot.
WTD: Jam.
Gloomchen: Jam exists only to amuse and astound all of us. Arguing with him rarely makes sense but always seems like a good idea at the time, which might be why so many people attempt it. But what people fail to realize is that Jam's mind is logical in the Jam universe, but nobody else's is. Ergo, even if you have great points and are more than 100% right, you will always look like a tremendous idiot and Jam will somehow make perfect sense. It's a great mystery.
WTD: If I was ever really hard up would you give me head?
Gloomchen: Too bad you didn't know me four years ago. I was hitting everything that showed an inclination. Still, nowaways, I dunno... I'm out of practice. I'd probably scrape.
WTD: What do people do in Iowa besides bowling, cow tipping, and fuckin' farm animals?
Gloomchen: There's only one other thing -- "sit around getting drunk." There's a reason why my town consumes so much beer. There's nothing else to do. Although I will at least mention that more and more bars around here are looking like clubs and booking bands. So now, people can listen to crappy cover bands while sitting around getting drunk.
WTD: Do you name your vibrators after members of Poison, Ratt, and Bon Jovi?
Gloomchen: Jon Dong Jovi, Stephen Pierce-Me and Wet Michaels don't like your condescending tone.
WTD: Why do you like Dream Theater? You'd think those guys would maybe be able to write a song someone would remember...
Gloomchen: Awww, I love them because I love them. But I'll admit, their lyric/song structure quality has gone down tremendously since KEVIN MOORE, GOD AMONG MEN left the band. I still love DT to pieces, but not the way I did years ago.
WTD: Thanks for doing this Gloom, any final comments?
Gloomchen: If anyone can translate Canadian for me, please explain why I have been getting these emails for almost a year now:
> -----Original Message-----
That's just not right. Why can't I have a normal stalker that just wants to slit my throat and fuck the wound?
Link: Anada
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